International Lampoon's Baghdad Vacation

Not too long ago Condi Rice admitted to the foreign press that the U.S. has made "thousands of errors" in Iraq, to which Rumsfeld howled, Wutch you talkin' about? (I paraphrase)

To the surprise of no one but your comatose uncle, the State and Defense Departments are not exactly los amigos mejores these days. Or ever, really.

So what happens when their dear leader sends them on a working vacation to try and work it all out? Hell-arity ensues.

Neither Condi nor Rumsfeld knew how to answer honest questions with honest answers, Rummy was so hostile to the press he wouldn't even aknowledge their presence and Condi was just plain embarassed by him. Oh, and there were lots and lots of awkward silences. Here is Glenn Kessler's piece from the Washington Post today:

BAGHDAD, April 27 -- A full 10 seconds of silence passed after a reporter asked Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld what the intense secrecy and security surrounding their visit to Iraq signified about the stability of the country three years after the U.S.-led invasion. Rice turned to Rumsfeld to provide the answer. Rumsfeld glared at the reporter.

"I guess I don't think it says anything about it," he snapped. He went on to say that President Bush had directed him and Rice to go to Iraq to "meet with the new leadership, and it happens that they are located here," a reference to the heavily fortified Green Zone where U.S. officials -- and many Iraqi leaders -- live and work.

Rice broke in, calming the tension. "The security situation will continue to take our attention and the attention of the Iraqis," she said, adding, "The terrorists are ultimately going to be defeated by a political process here."

For the second time in a month, Rice traveled to Baghdad to jawbone Iraqi leaders with a high-powered male counterpart. Last time, her partner was British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw. The pairing with him was convivial, so filled with easygoing banter that it was quickly dubbed the "Condi and Jack Show."

This time around, Rice and Rumsfeld often seemed in separate orbits, and the visit had little of the warmth of the earlier one. One purpose of this joint trip was to get the sometimes conflicting military and political operations in sync for the transition to a permanent Iraqi government. But the contrast in the two secretaries' styles was sometimes jarring.

Even though her arrival here followed an exhausting sprint through Greece and Turkey, Rice appeared energized by the task at hand. Rumsfeld arrived directly from Washington -- after a recent Asian tour -- but he seemed disengaged and bored, both to reporters traveling with him and to some U.S. officials. Some said he seemed irritated by the whole exercise. He did not speak a word to reporters with him on the flight to Baghdad.

During a joint meeting with reporters traveling with the secretaries, Rumsfeld frequently doodled with a black felt-tip pen or stared absent-mindedly at the ceiling when Rice spoke. Rice would occasionally cast a nervous glance at Rumsfeld as he prepared to respond to a question. His answers were terse; hers were expansive.

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